I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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