guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
