You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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