OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
