I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
