my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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