I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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