I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
