I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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