If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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