awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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