my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
