dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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