one two three fourrrrnication!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
