everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
