Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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