We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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