She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
