Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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