After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
