I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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