why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
false alarm, still single
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