he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
