How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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