Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
