just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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