talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
