She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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