If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
