I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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