what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
