I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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