I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
