I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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