I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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