Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
