My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
