Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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