Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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