remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
