i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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