I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
