Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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