You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
