I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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