i just google imaged poop.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
