She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
