why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
