I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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