I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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